Weapons

The Midterms weren’t “lackluster”! They were a Great Victory!!
Republicans WON races, once again ALL thanks to ME
If I had not gone to Ohio and opened MY yap
What’s-his-name there would have lost, there’s no doubt about that
He was running so far behind that I was heaven sent
He would have lost by a landslide without MY endorsement.

The Democrats are crowing about Midterms they will “win”
And “taking back” the House and Senate with margins not thin
They’ve forgotten Republicans have weapons on our side
And NOT only our guns, I mean Vlad, Gerry, ME, and Pride
With our four weapons we will WIN elections come this fall
ALL Democrats we’ll sweep from office for once and for all.

Vlad’s gang are working overtime to hack voting machines
And spread disinformation throughout the nation in reams
He is prepared to take out our electric grids at will
So voting machines everywhere go silent, dark, and still
I’m helping him by telling Energy to stop controlling
And look the other way Election Day to help his trolling.

Gerry is the next weapon within our arsenal
We’ve Gerrymandered counties into new shapes none recall
They twist and turn like logic pretzels Guliani bakes
To hold Democrat voters back because that’s what it takes
Republicans can’t WIN elections like back in the day
To suppress votes we have to Gerrymander shapes our way.

And now comes ME, the most Tremendous weapon we possess
As I just proved in Ohio I can fix any mess
Candidates are begging ME to come and help them out
And I come running although “helping’s” NOT what I’m about
Each one owes ME a quid pro quo if I “help” them NOT lose
So I make offers not one of them ever has refused.

And finally Pride’s the weapon I have wielded ALL MY life
To pump MY Ego up to WIN despite ALL kinds of strife
I’m told Pride is a “deadly sin”, one of seven they say
Baloney! I embrace ALL seven and Pride leads the way
Thanks to Pride MY Ego soars much higher than MY WALL
Just watch how high it goeth before voting ends this fall.

9 August 2018

‘Nothing bodes well’: Lackluster election results spark debate over Trump’s midterm role http://flip.it/7VOHma