Hemispheric Pie

I hereby declare Russia’s not a cyber threat no more
To MY empire I can now expand beyond each shore
That currently limits it in MY western hemisphere
Vlad granted ME permission to have because he’s a dear
Friend and in return I have agreed to let him win
His eastern hemisphere without U.S. opposition!

To speed up our division of the Earth’s hemisphere pie

So neither his nor MY piece gets less than the other guy

I’m ordering Pete Hegseth to put today’s bottle down

Long enough to end cyber defenses Vlad has found

To greatly offend him so to not Vlad more offend

All cyber defense offenses against him I will end.

Vlad has assured ME that no Russian cyber warfare threat

Was ever aimed at the U.S. and so I with deep regret

Apologize to him for money evil Biden spent

For cyber defenses against his peaceful government

And I have ordered tipsy Pete to end all efforts to

Defend against cyber attacks Vlad promised ME aren’t due.

I’m still willing to let cyber defense go on awhile

Against China and if those slant eyes give me cause to smile

I’ll then pretend cyber defense against them I’ll end too

But really won’t because that would hinder Vlad’s rendezvous 

With making the entire eastern hemisphere pie his

Just as he’s promised he won’t hinder MY west hem pie biz!

3 March 2025

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth orders a halt to defensive cyber operations against Russia. https://flip.it/91jxnh