Rebrand’s Equasion

I do not like to brag of course and hardly ever do

But when everything’s going MY way it’s so hard not to!

Especially when I know more than anybody ever

About the power “branding” brings to tyranny’s endeavor 

So I’m rebranding everything I can put names upon

To move MY sovereign right to rule more rapidly along.

On MY first day in office with an order I decreed

That “The Gulf Of America” thereafter must succeed

The former name of that big watery expanse below

America on maps mistakenly called “Mexico”

Because MY genius took one look at its shoreline span

And noticed most landmass around it was American!

I have now kicked the AP out of MY press conferences

Because they would not kowtow to MY gulf rebranding biz

Unlike most all map apps that to MY rebrand toed the line

Except for those that won’t stay up much longer once they find

I’ve ordered Elon’s kiddie hacker nerds to find and pound

Each app that still says “Gulf of Mexico” into the ground.

I’m also planning to rebrand all places that are dry

And to take credit for new names MY toadies will supply

Like “Red White and Blue Land” instead of “Greenland” where MY play

At empire expansion will force it under MY sway

And other places like Mount Rushmore soon to be renamed

Mount Trump after MY face alone’s carved over four there framed.

But in cases of army bases no new names will I

Supply, instead the names they were before woke DEI

Changed them from what they’d been for years to honor generals who

Took stands against American liberals like I do

And so Fort Bragg’s fine name is back as the first name to be

Restored to honor heroes of the Confederacy.

But otherwise new names convey MY power so why stop

Until all lands MY Empire absorbs have new names I drop?

But there will be so many names I’ll have to come up with

MY genus is telling ME it’s better to just give

Every nation I absorb some “Trump” name alteration

So great names like “Trumpanada” will be rebrand’s equation!

16 February 2025

GOP Rep Dragged After Introducing Bill To Give Greenland A Truly Unhinged New Name. https://flip.it/jlTCJN

From the Gulf of America to Fort Bragg, what’s behind Trump’s name changes? https://flip.it/N2.nBq