Pitchman

Black oozy Rudy has been banned from practicing schlock law
And Mike MyPillow Guy can’t stand him being cut off raw
From TV where black pitch he oozes can be seen by all
So he has offered him a pitchman’s role from now through fall
To pitch MyPillows to cultists who alone might still buy
MyPillows covered with black pitch pitched by their pitchman guy.

Rudy had been pitching gold but MyPillows need more

When they’re a-drip with black pitch that’s difficult to ignore

By those hoping for restful nights if pitch beneath their head

Comes oozing from their pillowcases after they’re in bed

And works its way into their ears from which it later drips

Like Rudy’s ooze he’ll try to sell through his MyPillow pitch.

It kind of makes sense for Lindell to give Rudy a job

Because as Trump-lovers go they’re both two peas from one pod

And MyPillows have suffered quite a major business hit

So maybe Rudy can sell them by dripping black ooze shit

On every MyPillow he pitches to Trump’s cultist mob

Because who else would buy cheap chopped foam due to his pitch job? 

The news story behind this poem is satire, ok?

But things could very plausibly have happened just this way

Because Lindell and Giuliani are twin idiots

So ‘though the story’s satire it is a shoe that fits

We may well learn that Rudy does take a MyPillow job

Because who else would hire as pitchman a black ooze slob?

3 July 2021

Giuliani Prepares For Next Role As MyPillow Pitchman https://flip.it/oXgmiD